This article first appeared in  vol. 8, nr.7, October/November 1997.

M@nkey tales            by Guess Who

Bridge on the Internet with M@nkeytail

On vacation
"What's in that little black suitcase?"
"Uhhh, black? Oh, that one, that's...that...my electric toothbrush is in that one."
"Oh mum, daddy's lying. That's his notebook."
"Really..., what does a little kid know...?"
"Honest, and he's got a modem on it, too, mum; we've just downloaded a couple of nude pictures of the Spice Girls."
"Enough's enough! Off to bed with you - we got to get up early to go to Italy tomorrow morning."
"Really, Guess, do you have to surf the internet even on our vacation? Just leave it behind, you hear?"
"Oh come on, it's so tiny, and it's in nobody's way."
"If you take that thing along, I'm going to buy Versace clothes in Milan!"

Como, August 1, 1997.

Hello, IMP readers,

A brief message from my vacation address. It's wonderful, here. Outside, the sun is shining, and inside monkeytale is logged on. With his electrical tothbrush. Haha! The region is truly quite beautiful. I have a wonderful view of the swimming pool through a crack in the wall. Delightful, isn't it, for the kids?
Mrs M@nkeytale has gone shopping, in Milan. She needed new clothes really badly. Just shipped a line of top label rejects to some poor country, you see.
I'm very curious how things are with you, in Holland. Anything spectacular happening? Something like: "PM sacks Health Secretary." Or perhaps, "Agriculture Minister sets swine fever quota."
Ah well, I suppose not - it's holiday season. For us, members of OKBridge, there are never any holidays. We keep on plodding along, keeping up our Lehman rating.....
"OKBridge is a terminal disease," one of the members has entered under his statistics.
Last night, I thought I'd go out for a bit. So I grabbed my notebook and comfortably install myself on the terrace. Ahhhh, wonderful, that fresh air. Just say hella to my internet pals. As has been happening frequently, of late, I sit down at Carolyn's tabel. Carolyn never plays herself - she only starts a table and lets others do the playing. I get to play play with quite a strong American against an ex-world champion from Brazil and a strong Norwegian.
Nice game! After a few flat boards, I pick up, as South:
 

6 5 4  A Q 8 5 2  7  A 10 8 7
Noth deals, North-South vulnerable: North passes, East passes, we're not playing the Dutch Two, so I pass. West opens 1D, and my American pard - apparently not entirely bereft  - doubles. RHO redoubles. Now what? I opt for a daring 4H, which is doubled by East follwing two passes. Everyone's content.
The Brazilian tables the DA. Partner mumbles something like glp (good luck, partner).
 
w
W  NORTH
 W A Q 10 7
W  10 7 6 3
W  3
W  K 6 5 3
w
w
w
W  SOUTH
W  6 5 4
W  A Q 8 5 2
W  7
W  A 10 8 7
ww
 
 At trick two, the Brazilian (let's call him Carlos, for convenience) switches to spades: deuce, queen and king. The Norwegian returns a diamond with a clever air about him (at least, that's how I imagine it), giving me a ruff and slough. I pitch a spade from hand, trump in dummy, and play 10, which is covered by the jack, and the queen wins. West discards 2. Somewhat thoughtlessly I play a club to the king, but East ruffs, and next returns the K. I win the ace, play a spade to the ten, cash the A (they break) pitching a club, and lead the good spade. East is allowed to make his high trump as I discard my last club. One down. "Haha," I bleat, "a vulnerable save against 6!" And indeed, 4 imps for the good guys! (Butler....)

In the middle of the night I wake up with a start. I should have made the hand! After East had given me a ruff and slough, and I had played the 10, all I had to do was to concede a heart, ruff a diamond return in in hand, play a spade to the ten and pull trumps, taking the marked heart finesse. Just look at the entire deal:
 

w w w
w   NORTH w
w   A Q 10 7 w
w   10 7 6 3 w
w   3 w
w   K 6 5 3 w
W WEST w   EAST
W J 3 2 w   K 9 8
W - w   K J 9 4
W A K J 9 5 w   Q 10 8 6 4 2
W Q J 9 4 2 w   -
w   SOUTH w
w   6 5 4 w
w   A Q 8 5 2 w
w   7 w
w   A 10 8 7 w
w ww w
 
 That would have been quite a result: 4 doubled, vul against not; and a save against a makable diamond slam to boot!
Enough said, folks. Mrs M@nkeytale has just returned from Milan. She's donning a fur stole (just imagine, in this weather).
"Well, how was your shopping, dear?" I ask affectionately. "Hmmm, yes and no. You know, those Versace clothes, you'd kill for those. But they're quite expensive. We got to go home tomorrow."

So long, M@nkeytale.
 
 


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