Bridge on the Internet with M@nkeytail

Pythagoras' theorem, Murphy's law, Belladonna Coup - ever since man started to walk upright, he strives to immortalize his name. What could be more flattering than to have something named after you?

IMP readers know that the Niemeijer complex* isn't some dreadful disease, and that the Stayman convention isn't a political convenant to prevent global deforrestation. But do they know where the islets of Langerhans are located, or what the Popeyus harmonica sounds like?
*a Dutch-crafted set of responses to a 2NT-opening.

Every Sunday, at 9 a.m. local time, it's the day of reckoning on OKBridge. That's when the Lehmans' is listed. The what?? The Lehmans ratings, an ingenious system of ranking the members of OKBridge, named for - you guessed it - Lehman, christened Bradley. Nobody knows exactly how it works, and yet, it constantly occupies everybody. Each new member of OKBridge is assigned a rating of 50.00, both at matchpoints and imps. The server keeps track of everyone's scores, compares them, and weights them based on a variety of parameters, in particular the rating of partner and opponents. If you play a lot, with many different partners, a reasonably reliable picture emerges. A different kettle of fish, compared to the Dutch masterpoint system, which - in due course - automatically leads to the grandmaster title if you play enough tournaments of one kind or another.

The true guns achieve, in time, a rating of between 65 and 75; novices rapidly sink to below 40. The higher one's rating, the more difficult it is to maintain. That is, if you like to play a lot. The only bug in the system is that if you play only a few hands a week, these are included in your rating as well. And so there are OKBridge players who have built up a rating of around 70 by getting some juicy scores on the two or three deals they play in a week, and then rest on their laurals the rest of the week.
Someone who plays a lot - really a lot- every week is Richard Reisig, a strong American semi-pro, who has achieved the maximum possible rating of 75.00 at matchpoints, and who is hovering around the 73.00 mark at imps. To him, 300 deals a week are no exception. Turn on your computer, log on, and chances are you'll bump into him.

In this series we'll start rating the readers. Solve the following problems, and jack up your M@nkeytail rating.

North dealer, North-South vulnerable, and as South you hold: 96 A A7652 K7654.
 

West	North	East	South
	21)	2	Pass
3	Pass	Pass	Pass
	1) weak

Your partner contributes 2, and you decide this is Lavinthal, asking for a club switch. You next play 5, and sure enough, partner wins the ace. He then plays K, and East follows suit. How do you defend?

Next problem. You may declare 4 in this setup:
 

E/NS	NORTH			West	North	East	South
	9 7						You
	K J 8 5					21)	Pass
	A Q J 10 4			Pass	Double	Pass	4
	7 3			Pass	Pass	Pass--
	s
	SOUTH
	Q 5 4 3
	A 9 7 4
	7 6 5
	A 5

1) Dutch Two, showing a five-card major plus a four+-card minor, and 6-10 hcp. ( Yes, this too has weaseled its way into OKBridge.)

You grab the lead of the Q (East plays 2, encouraging), and take a successful diamond finesse. This is followed by a heart to the ace, and a winning heart finesse. East follows with 2 and 6.
How do you plan to make your contract?

On the first hand you have to ruff partner's K, and cash both of your minor suit winners. In particular, don't give him a chance to get you to overruff a heart, or try for an uppercut. You can clearly see that this won't work. And what's worse, declarer's club loser will later be thrown on dummy's heart winner.
 

	NORTH
	5 4
	K 10 9 7 4 2
	9 4
	A 10 2
WEST		EAST
10 8 7 2		A K Q J 3------------------------
Q J 8 6		5 3
K 8		Q J 10 3
Q J 3		9 8
	SOUTH
	9 6
	A
	A 7 6 5 2
	K 7 6 5 4

Did you find this defence? Bravo! You gained seven points in the M@nkeytail rating, but you lost your partner. He fumes, "Why ruff my high heart, you fool?", and pillories you.

	NORTH
	9 7
	K J 8 5
	A Q J 10 4
	7 3
WEST		EAST
K J 2		A 10 8 6------------------------
Q 10 3		6 2
K 9 2		8 3
Q J 9 8		K 10 6 4 2
	SOUTH
	Q 5 4 3
	A 9 7 4
	7 6 5
	A 5

Not that difficult, after all, so you'll get 6 M@nkeytail rating points if you did it right. In this case Lehman would award you more generously, but that's because you bid 4 like an idiot!

Incidentally, the islets of Langerhans lie somewhere in the human body, and perform some task that I've forgotten*. The late Herman Popeyus was a great Dutch billiards player who invented the harmonica stroke.

[* The islets of Langerhans are groups of cells in the pancreas, and serve to make insulin - ed.]